Monday, May 11, 2009
The List
Just when I think I’m done with men…someone else comes along. It’s usually not the guy I would expect to meet. Sometimes he’s too short or has too many kids, sometimes he doesn’t live here or is just too close. And sometimes, it seems like he’s too young. What is it that makes us have “the list”? How is that really ideal? How can you fit someone into a list of ideals? They are definitely made to be broken. I always said I would never date a man with kids – two of my exes has children. I always said I would never date a man long distance – I’ve done that twice now. I always said I wouldn’t date someone who wasn’t on my level (education, career-wise, etc); did that too. So what’s the point of the list? Is it just the result of all the past failures that we’ve encountered and we are trying to avoid them? Is that the way that we try to guard ourselves from being hurt again? Or is it truly our guide to the person who will be “the one”? Don’t we just limit ourselves with “the list”? Or is that there are just many different people with so many different issues that it’s just our way of wading through all the fish in the sea?
Friday, May 1, 2009
It's me, not you...
I'm listening to "Pretty Wings" by Maxwell (which I love, love, love and I have it on repeat as I write) and I was wondering when do you decide to let go?
I've been in relationships where the guy wasn't ready for me and all that I had to offer. Of course, initially, I thought it was me, but then I realized that it was really them and their inability to be the person I NEEDED them to be for me.
The last relationship I was in, he realized that he couldn't do long distance...but I'm so sure you had to know that BEFORE you got involved...and then you decide to let go AFTER feelings got deep? What's that about?!
So when do you realize you have to give "It's me, not you, you did nothing wrong" speech?
I've been in relationships where the guy wasn't ready for me and all that I had to offer. Of course, initially, I thought it was me, but then I realized that it was really them and their inability to be the person I NEEDED them to be for me.
The last relationship I was in, he realized that he couldn't do long distance...but I'm so sure you had to know that BEFORE you got involved...and then you decide to let go AFTER feelings got deep? What's that about?!
So when do you realize you have to give "It's me, not you, you did nothing wrong" speech?
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Does the man really find the woman (wife)?
Well folks, I think I'm done dating for a while. I don't think I really have the time to entertain men who don't understand that I have stuff going on in my life (work, school, family and friends) that was going on WAY before they stepped on the scene. I don't like clingy men or men that set expectations for ME without my consent, lol (ok, there is an lol out the end, but I really didn't mean that jokingly)....
I got to thinking about how one of my guy friends told me that I'm going to end up being 35 and single (which I actually responded and said GREAT, I will be a cougar lol) and will settle for just any old man who also wants to settle down. Why did he say that? First, because he said I'm so focused on my career and grad school, that I don't make time for dating (soooooo not true, lol). Next, he said that by the time I get to 35, all the good men will be taken (or have multiple kids, or would've been married already, etc) and that although it might not be an ideal situation, at that age, I will be ready to have babies and will just get with anyone to fulfill that purpose. Um...NO! I definitely would rather be by myself than to settle for just any ol' guy! I know my worth and I am not willing to settle. If I were that desperate, then I would've settled by now. Clearly I have not.
So I decided I'm going to lay low and focus on me (grad school and my career) and the things I love to do - hanging out with friends and traveling, until I meet that man :-) Once I made that decision (which I've made many times before and someone always shows back up on the scene, lol) I saw someone's facebook status about how women need to just chill out and stop looking for a man and he will find you. BUT, here's my thing...how do you chill out but yet be in the position to be "found"?! Doesn't that sound like any oxymoron? Is this like the childhood game hide and seek or come get it? I'm confused. I know they say it will happen, but whatever happened to going out for what you want? Being aggressive and if you see something you like, go for it? Or does that not pertain to men?
What do you all think? Does the man really find the woman (wife)? Speak on it! ;-)
-Ms. QTO
I got to thinking about how one of my guy friends told me that I'm going to end up being 35 and single (which I actually responded and said GREAT, I will be a cougar lol) and will settle for just any old man who also wants to settle down. Why did he say that? First, because he said I'm so focused on my career and grad school, that I don't make time for dating (soooooo not true, lol). Next, he said that by the time I get to 35, all the good men will be taken (or have multiple kids, or would've been married already, etc) and that although it might not be an ideal situation, at that age, I will be ready to have babies and will just get with anyone to fulfill that purpose. Um...NO! I definitely would rather be by myself than to settle for just any ol' guy! I know my worth and I am not willing to settle. If I were that desperate, then I would've settled by now. Clearly I have not.
So I decided I'm going to lay low and focus on me (grad school and my career) and the things I love to do - hanging out with friends and traveling, until I meet that man :-) Once I made that decision (which I've made many times before and someone always shows back up on the scene, lol) I saw someone's facebook status about how women need to just chill out and stop looking for a man and he will find you. BUT, here's my thing...how do you chill out but yet be in the position to be "found"?! Doesn't that sound like any oxymoron? Is this like the childhood game hide and seek or come get it? I'm confused. I know they say it will happen, but whatever happened to going out for what you want? Being aggressive and if you see something you like, go for it? Or does that not pertain to men?
What do you all think? Does the man really find the woman (wife)? Speak on it! ;-)
-Ms. QTO
Sunday, April 26, 2009
I love men....
I love the angle of his jawline, strong and defined. I love his scent, the scent of masculinity with a touch of that cologne that makes me wanna....I love his touch, strong and powerful as he grabs my body closer to his. The look in his eye is telling me he wants me, and my unfaltering gaze tells him I feel the same. The confidence he exudes as he leans in close to me, instinctively causes my eyes to close and I feel his breath on my face. I love how he makes me feel sexy, wanted, and weak. He's getting mannish, seducing me with soft kisses and sweet caresses. I love men...
So, what do you love about the opposite sex (or same sex if that's your thing, lol)? Ya'll know what I like ;-)
-Ms. QTO
So, what do you love about the opposite sex (or same sex if that's your thing, lol)? Ya'll know what I like ;-)
-Ms. QTO
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Are you worth the business?
I usually don't post twice a day, but since we are on the subject of great first dates, I decided to add another one….
I was just discussing my post about The First Date with some folks and one of the things that stood out (to the guys anyway, lol) is #13 - Inviting yourself/her back to your/her place. Here's my rationale behind it.
1. Women don't want you to think that if you are going back to their/your home that that’s what they are about OR that they owe you something for a nice date. I think when men go back to a person’s house to kick it, they think they are going to get more than what they actually are and the level of expectation changes.
2. IF a woman DOES invite you to her spot and says something like “I normally don’t do this”, most men don’t believe her anyway, and she STILL looks like a hoe, slut, whatever.
3. IF it was a great date, no need to rush and go back to your place, that will happen in due time.
I think here are a few reasons why women, even if they do want to give it up the first night (which I don’t recommend, but that’s just me), why they don’t:
1. They will look like a hoe, plain and simple.
2. If you want to really consider dating this person, or at least see where it goes, giving it up will probably dissuade a man from pursuing you, ESPECIALLY if he got the business already.
3. They will look like a hoe, lol.
4. I think SOME men, even if they do take it, will not consider that woman wifey material. The thinking is if she does it with you, then who else?
Now how can you tell if you should invite the girl (guy) back to your spot? Women, can you tell from meeting the guy that he’s worthy of the business? Men, do you know from jump that you want to get in those jeans?
-Ms. QTO
I was just discussing my post about The First Date with some folks and one of the things that stood out (to the guys anyway, lol) is #13 - Inviting yourself/her back to your/her place. Here's my rationale behind it.
1. Women don't want you to think that if you are going back to their/your home that that’s what they are about OR that they owe you something for a nice date. I think when men go back to a person’s house to kick it, they think they are going to get more than what they actually are and the level of expectation changes.
2. IF a woman DOES invite you to her spot and says something like “I normally don’t do this”, most men don’t believe her anyway, and she STILL looks like a hoe, slut, whatever.
3. IF it was a great date, no need to rush and go back to your place, that will happen in due time.
I think here are a few reasons why women, even if they do want to give it up the first night (which I don’t recommend, but that’s just me), why they don’t:
1. They will look like a hoe, plain and simple.
2. If you want to really consider dating this person, or at least see where it goes, giving it up will probably dissuade a man from pursuing you, ESPECIALLY if he got the business already.
3. They will look like a hoe, lol.
4. I think SOME men, even if they do take it, will not consider that woman wifey material. The thinking is if she does it with you, then who else?
Now how can you tell if you should invite the girl (guy) back to your spot? Women, can you tell from meeting the guy that he’s worthy of the business? Men, do you know from jump that you want to get in those jeans?
-Ms. QTO
The First Date
I know, I know…I’m slacking. I'm sure you're on the edge of your seat wanting to know how the date went, lol. And if you don't know what I'm talking about, see What is considered too soon.... So, my date with guy #2 was great! We had great conversation, had some serious moments, but overall, a great night. Maybe I’ll get to see him again soon… ;-)
So first dates…what makes a good first date? I think you definitely need to have good conversation, which is why I don’t like movies as first dates – you can’t talk (well, I talk during movies and that can get annoying) and you really don’t have a chance to get to know the person…
So what are the dos and donts on a first date? Here's what I came up with:
1.Do make a good impression – make sure your hair is done, clothes are ironed, breath is fresh, lips are glossed, and make sure your swag is on point - first impressions are everything.
2. Don’t over do it! No one wants to be out with someone who is trying too hard or being fake.
3. Do keep the conversation interesting - I think it’s ok to have some things in mind that you want to talk about, but don’t make it sound like a script.
4. Don’t talk about why you hate men/women, your last relationship (especially if you’re not over it), or anything else that would make the other person question why they are even with you
5. Do go with the flow – if things are great, fine, continue to enjoy the other person’s company but…
6. Don’t force it – if you’re not feeling it, let the person know so you’re not stringing them along
7. Do be courteous – Men open the door, walk on the outside of the street, pay for the bill – Women – say thank you, leave the tip (not always necessary but it’s a nice gesture)
8. Do – stay engaged in the conversation – listen, comment, and contribute to the conversation.
9. Don’t only talk about yourself – no one wants to hear about why your boss sucks or what size shoe you wear (although I guess that’s good info lol).
10. Do look the person in the eyes and be attentive to the person.
11. Don’t let your eyes wander!!!!!! Big no-no.
12. Do get a little physical – no folks, I don’t mean s-e-x; a hug is fine, a kiss on the cheek, a kiss on the mouth (think peck, not a tongue down) if you’re feeling it.
13. Don’t get overzealous – read the body language and don’t go for it unless the date is going well and DO NOT suggest going back to your/her place..not a good look.
14. Do follow up – women, let the guy know you made it ok (if you met at out somewhere place), men, make sure your date got home safely if you don’t hear from her.
15. If you dropped her off, do NOT drive off without allowing her to get safely inside. Also, if you contact her and she doesn't contact you (or vice versa), DO NOT bombard the person with text messages, emails, IMs, tweets, fb comments, etc. NOT a good look!
16. HAVE FUN! Don’t take it so seriously…it’s JUST a first date!
Needless to say, I think the date went extremely well :-). I’ve talked to him since then, so we shall see what happens. No word from #1 (which is soon to be forgotten about and #2 is not about to become #1, for now lol).
So what does everyone think? What are the absolute dos and donts on a first date?
-Ms. QTO
So first dates…what makes a good first date? I think you definitely need to have good conversation, which is why I don’t like movies as first dates – you can’t talk (well, I talk during movies and that can get annoying) and you really don’t have a chance to get to know the person…
So what are the dos and donts on a first date? Here's what I came up with:
1.Do make a good impression – make sure your hair is done, clothes are ironed, breath is fresh, lips are glossed, and make sure your swag is on point - first impressions are everything.
2. Don’t over do it! No one wants to be out with someone who is trying too hard or being fake.
3. Do keep the conversation interesting - I think it’s ok to have some things in mind that you want to talk about, but don’t make it sound like a script.
4. Don’t talk about why you hate men/women, your last relationship (especially if you’re not over it), or anything else that would make the other person question why they are even with you
5. Do go with the flow – if things are great, fine, continue to enjoy the other person’s company but…
6. Don’t force it – if you’re not feeling it, let the person know so you’re not stringing them along
7. Do be courteous – Men open the door, walk on the outside of the street, pay for the bill – Women – say thank you, leave the tip (not always necessary but it’s a nice gesture)
8. Do – stay engaged in the conversation – listen, comment, and contribute to the conversation.
9. Don’t only talk about yourself – no one wants to hear about why your boss sucks or what size shoe you wear (although I guess that’s good info lol).
10. Do look the person in the eyes and be attentive to the person.
11. Don’t let your eyes wander!!!!!! Big no-no.
12. Do get a little physical – no folks, I don’t mean s-e-x; a hug is fine, a kiss on the cheek, a kiss on the mouth (think peck, not a tongue down) if you’re feeling it.
13. Don’t get overzealous – read the body language and don’t go for it unless the date is going well and DO NOT suggest going back to your/her place..not a good look.
14. Do follow up – women, let the guy know you made it ok (if you met at out somewhere place), men, make sure your date got home safely if you don’t hear from her.
15. If you dropped her off, do NOT drive off without allowing her to get safely inside. Also, if you contact her and she doesn't contact you (or vice versa), DO NOT bombard the person with text messages, emails, IMs, tweets, fb comments, etc. NOT a good look!
16. HAVE FUN! Don’t take it so seriously…it’s JUST a first date!
Needless to say, I think the date went extremely well :-). I’ve talked to him since then, so we shall see what happens. No word from #1 (which is soon to be forgotten about and #2 is not about to become #1, for now lol).
So what does everyone think? What are the absolute dos and donts on a first date?
-Ms. QTO
Sunday, April 19, 2009
What is considered too soon? (I'm not worried about no ice! LOL!)
So...yesterday, me, my girl and her friend decided to go out since it was such a BEAUTIFUL day in Milwaukee. It wasn't a beautiful night, however, as it was rainy and drizzly out! I'm sooo happy I wore my hair wet and wavy!
So for whatever reason, I was really feeling it last night! It might've been the atmosphere and all the beautiful people at the spot that we went to, but I was just walking around, checking out the scenery and then I saw them...some fine, black men just chilling, talking amongst themselves. I really wanted to have a re-do from the previous weekend when we struck out (see Who should make the first move?), so I told my girl I was going to get a drink and make my way over to them. I chickened out....at first. The more I looked over and I sipped on my appletini, the more I was like, F it, I have nothing to lose. I went up to them, said something witty, and it was on from that point. We hung out with them for the whole night...a few of their other friends came in and we chatted them up as well. Needless to say, I walked out with two numbers (which I will call guy #1 and guy #2 from now on, lol) from some very fine men...
So guy #2 and I are conversing via text today (yes, just a few hours later) and he wanted to hang out tonight and put it out there that if I would feel more comfortable inviting my girl, he would invite his friend that was there last night and that would help break the ice. Hence the title of this blog and the fact that I'm not worried about no ice! Lol. We are grown...I think that we should be able to chat and not have it be a group date....
Anyways....it's only a few hours later and I have a date lined up and it made me think of what some guys have asked me...when is it too soon to contact a woman? Is the next day too soon? A few hours later via text saying good morning, just to gauge interest? Women, what do you think? Personally, I like when a guy shows interest, but what I DON'T like is when they call three or four times a day!!
-Ms. QTO
So for whatever reason, I was really feeling it last night! It might've been the atmosphere and all the beautiful people at the spot that we went to, but I was just walking around, checking out the scenery and then I saw them...some fine, black men just chilling, talking amongst themselves. I really wanted to have a re-do from the previous weekend when we struck out (see Who should make the first move?), so I told my girl I was going to get a drink and make my way over to them. I chickened out....at first. The more I looked over and I sipped on my appletini, the more I was like, F it, I have nothing to lose. I went up to them, said something witty, and it was on from that point. We hung out with them for the whole night...a few of their other friends came in and we chatted them up as well. Needless to say, I walked out with two numbers (which I will call guy #1 and guy #2 from now on, lol) from some very fine men...
So guy #2 and I are conversing via text today (yes, just a few hours later) and he wanted to hang out tonight and put it out there that if I would feel more comfortable inviting my girl, he would invite his friend that was there last night and that would help break the ice. Hence the title of this blog and the fact that I'm not worried about no ice! Lol. We are grown...I think that we should be able to chat and not have it be a group date....
Anyways....it's only a few hours later and I have a date lined up and it made me think of what some guys have asked me...when is it too soon to contact a woman? Is the next day too soon? A few hours later via text saying good morning, just to gauge interest? Women, what do you think? Personally, I like when a guy shows interest, but what I DON'T like is when they call three or four times a day!!
-Ms. QTO
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