Who should make the first move?

It's the WEEKEND!!! YAY! It's been a beautiful weekend so far in Milwaukee and as much as I wanted to spend the night in doing school work, I decided to step out with my girl...

Speaking of stepping out...so last weekend, me and my girl went out and we were kinda on the prowl, emphasis on kinda, lol. We were trying to go to different places and check out the scenery - cute men, beautiful people, etc. Let's just say it didn't go as planned, but we did have some practice in approaching men (her, not me, I was playing shy that night...not enough to drink, lol). So it got me to thinking, do men actually like to be approached? What we found was that any potential new interest was on the phone texting (which led us to believe they were texting a woman) so we would dismiss trying to talk to that guy. But when we DID approach and expressed interest and left it up to the man to then make a move...NOTHING! Now is it that it was too aggressive (or of course, they just weren't interested, but I'm dismissing that for now lol)? Do men like to be in control and make the first move? I always thought some men were afraid of rejection and rather than get rejected, they post up against the wall and stare, rather than approaching. And I also thought that when a woman did approach, it would make it that much easier. Not that particular Saturday! And to add insult to injury...the only men who did approach us were strippers, lol!

So, should women approach men or should we just let the men come to us?

-Ms. QTO

Cheater, cheater pumpkin eater

After what seemed like the longest week EVER, my girl and I decided to grab a drink and catch up a bit and discuss some things. Among those things, men (of course) came up. We started talking about past relationships and then we brought up the subject of cheating. I’ve been cheated on before in the past and trust me, it hurt like hell (insert expletive here). I told her about how he called me everyday for days, sent emails, text messages – all were unanswered. Finally, I relented and met up with him about a week later and he was boo-hooing like a baby and telling me how sorry he was and that he loved me and it didn’t mean anything. He said that we were having issues and that she just happened to be there and one thing led to another. BS! I feel like he could’ve controlled himself or not even put himself in that situation, right?

So after telling my girl this story, I started thinking about the different reasons people cheat. Sometimes, the man is just a dog and does it to satisfy his ego, urges, whatever. And sometimes, he’s not getting it at home and what does he then do? He strays. Now is that his woman’s fault for not giving him any? Or should he have just kept his pants zipped up and worked on getting his woman to give him some? I don’t know, but a need was not being satisfied and someone else was willing. For women, it’s an emotional connection with another person – the man is either giving her attention that her current mate isn’t giving her or she feels some kind of way (see Laws of Attraction – that WOW factor) and she gives in.

So playing devil’s advocate I asked her, can men really help cheating? I know, I know, I’m going to get some responses where people are going to be like “HELL YES”, but let’s really think about it. How many times will a woman throw herself at a man before he FINALLY gives in? Don’t catch him on the wrong day; it could happen, especially when we all know that men are such visual creatures…

So what do you all think? Can men (and I guess woman, lol) help cheating?

-Ms. QTO

What is the definition of sexy?

Happy Hump day everyone! So…speaking of humping, bruhahahahaha (my mischievous laugh), I was thinking of how when you have a long, hard day at work (which I had yesterday) and how it would be great to have a glass of wine, a sexy man rubbing your back, and…yea, lol. And then I got to thinking, what makes a person sexy? Is it the look in their eye? Is it their swag? Is it their personality? Is it tattoos or dare I say it, piercings? Yes, I did say piercings, EEK! Let me explain…

So I’m on an email thread everyday with my friends and we were discussing how one of the members from Day 26,(for those of you who live under a rock and have never seen the show, Making the Band, it’s one of Diddy’s R&B groups) revealed on a radio talk show that he has a piercing on his..um…member. Yuck, right?! Is that even sexy? Like if you were with a guy and he dropped his pants and you saw that, would you be like “oh yea, I can’t wait to feel that”? I think not. What about women who have piercings down below? Is that sexy? I remember when tongue rings were the “in” thing and I remembered thinking I wanted one because I thought it would be fun to play with the ball in my mouth (OMG, that sounded so disgusting, lol). I didn’t dare do it (because I am a professional lol), but there was such a negative connotation with having one (freak, slut, hoe), that most people that I knew that had one, ended up getting rid of it. I’m not going to front and say that I wasn’t curious as to what it would be like to be with a guy who had a tongue ring, but I think I’ll stick to keeping foreign metal objects away from my area.

So what do you find sexy? I can personally say that it is NOT a piercing on a guy’s member.

-Ms. QTO

The Laws of Attraction

So I was thinking about all the things I want and need in a man and was thinking about making a list (but I think that’s a bit much, because I know what’s important…I think lol). So I started thinking about men that have approached me recently and the reason why I wouldn’t talk to them beyond a “hello”. One of the main reasons was attraction. I remember back in undergrad, I used to think so many men were attractive; whether it was their personality, their sense of humor, their intelligence - something drew me in to them. Now, I am barely even getting any of those signals. I feel like I immediately know whether or not something will move forward based on the attraction factor. As some people alluded to in yesterday’s post, Where are all the good men (and women)?, maybe I need to be more open-minded to find love, but in my opinion, you cannot compromise on being attracted to someone.

My friend just pointed me in the direction of an article on cnn.com (under the Living section – Laws of Attraction) and from the article I gathered that attraction is based on science - it’s the way your body’s chemistry reacts to another’s. If it’s the right time of the month, if the man smells right, has a pleasing voice, or a symmetric face, then that will indicate the level of attraction for a person. Yea right…I think some of that could be true, but the minute he doesn’t have on that cologne, the attraction just magically disappears?! Um, no, I just don’t believe that.

So, let’s talk about the “Laws of Attraction”. So let’s say you meet someone, and they have everything you want/need, but there is no attraction and you feel like if you wait, you can get the WOW factor from someone else. You know what I mean, the “make you want to drop your panties/drawers” factor. Is that important in the long run or in the end, are you missing out on someone that could’ve been a potential mate? Do you think that over time, you can become more attracted to someone if you weren’t initially, or is it that the person just grows on you? And finally, I’ve heard women say “I gave him a chance because he was a good man and I thought that was more important than being attracted to him.” Have any of you been guilty of this? Men, what have your experiences been with the laws of attraction?

-Ms. QTO

Where are all the good men (and women)?

So I think I’m starting to get frustrated with the opposite sex. I promise you, I’m not one of those women that sit at home and complain about not having a man, because I am actually pretty busy. Between work and graduate school, hanging out with friends, and working out, I don’t have much time for much else. But what about those Friday nights when I just want to hang out and watch a movie with a special someone…nothing too crazy, just spending some quality time?

More and more it seems as if there are no more good men left! My girlfriend and I were discussing this Saturday night, as we were out and about in the city. We discussed the many places where one could go to meet members of the opposite sex - church, the supermarket, Barnes and Noble...nope, no men. This is NOT like the movies, it doesn't happen like that for us! Lol. And I KNOW they say it will happen when you least expect it, but I’m still waiting. I hope I don’t end up 40, single, and a cougar preying on young men, because at this rate, that’s where I’m headed!

So.....where are all the good men? To the men, do you have issues finding good women? And if you have a good man/woman, where did you meet?

-Ms. QTO