Does the man really find the woman (wife)?

Well folks, I think I'm done dating for a while. I don't think I really have the time to entertain men who don't understand that I have stuff going on in my life (work, school, family and friends) that was going on WAY before they stepped on the scene. I don't like clingy men or men that set expectations for ME without my consent, lol (ok, there is an lol out the end, but I really didn't mean that jokingly)....

I got to thinking about how one of my guy friends told me that I'm going to end up being 35 and single (which I actually responded and said GREAT, I will be a cougar lol) and will settle for just any old man who also wants to settle down. Why did he say that? First, because he said I'm so focused on my career and grad school, that I don't make time for dating (soooooo not true, lol). Next, he said that by the time I get to 35, all the good men will be taken (or have multiple kids, or would've been married already, etc) and that although it might not be an ideal situation, at that age, I will be ready to have babies and will just get with anyone to fulfill that purpose. Um...NO! I definitely would rather be by myself than to settle for just any ol' guy! I know my worth and I am not willing to settle. If I were that desperate, then I would've settled by now. Clearly I have not.

So I decided I'm going to lay low and focus on me (grad school and my career) and the things I love to do - hanging out with friends and traveling, until I meet that man :-) Once I made that decision (which I've made many times before and someone always shows back up on the scene, lol) I saw someone's facebook status about how women need to just chill out and stop looking for a man and he will find you. BUT, here's my thing...how do you chill out but yet be in the position to be "found"?! Doesn't that sound like any oxymoron? Is this like the childhood game hide and seek or come get it? I'm confused. I know they say it will happen, but whatever happened to going out for what you want? Being aggressive and if you see something you like, go for it? Or does that not pertain to men?

What do you all think? Does the man really find the woman (wife)? Speak on it! ;-)

-Ms. QTO

I love men....

I love the angle of his jawline, strong and defined. I love his scent, the scent of masculinity with a touch of that cologne that makes me wanna....I love his touch, strong and powerful as he grabs my body closer to his. The look in his eye is telling me he wants me, and my unfaltering gaze tells him I feel the same. The confidence he exudes as he leans in close to me, instinctively causes my eyes to close and I feel his breath on my face. I love how he makes me feel sexy, wanted, and weak. He's getting mannish, seducing me with soft kisses and sweet caresses. I love men...

So, what do you love about the opposite sex (or same sex if that's your thing, lol)? Ya'll know what I like ;-)

-Ms. QTO

Are you worth the business?

I usually don't post twice a day, but since we are on the subject of great first dates, I decided to add another one….

I was just discussing my post about The First Date with some folks and one of the things that stood out (to the guys anyway, lol) is #13 - Inviting yourself/her back to your/her place. Here's my rationale behind it.

1. Women don't want you to think that if you are going back to their/your home that that’s what they are about OR that they owe you something for a nice date. I think when men go back to a person’s house to kick it, they think they are going to get more than what they actually are and the level of expectation changes.

2. IF a woman DOES invite you to her spot and says something like “I normally don’t do this”, most men don’t believe her anyway, and she STILL looks like a hoe, slut, whatever.

3. IF it was a great date, no need to rush and go back to your place, that will happen in due time.

I think here are a few reasons why women, even if they do want to give it up the first night (which I don’t recommend, but that’s just me), why they don’t:

1. They will look like a hoe, plain and simple.

2. If you want to really consider dating this person, or at least see where it goes, giving it up will probably dissuade a man from pursuing you, ESPECIALLY if he got the business already.

3. They will look like a hoe, lol.

4. I think SOME men, even if they do take it, will not consider that woman wifey material. The thinking is if she does it with you, then who else?

Now how can you tell if you should invite the girl (guy) back to your spot? Women, can you tell from meeting the guy that he’s worthy of the business? Men, do you know from jump that you want to get in those jeans?

-Ms. QTO

The First Date

I know, I know…I’m slacking. I'm sure you're on the edge of your seat wanting to know how the date went, lol. And if you don't know what I'm talking about, see What is considered too soon.... So, my date with guy #2 was great! We had great conversation, had some serious moments, but overall, a great night. Maybe I’ll get to see him again soon… ;-)

So first dates…what makes a good first date? I think you definitely need to have good conversation, which is why I don’t like movies as first dates – you can’t talk (well, I talk during movies and that can get annoying) and you really don’t have a chance to get to know the person…

So what are the dos and donts on a first date? Here's what I came up with:

1.Do make a good impression – make sure your hair is done, clothes are ironed, breath is fresh, lips are glossed, and make sure your swag is on point - first impressions are everything.

2. Don’t over do it! No one wants to be out with someone who is trying too hard or being fake.

3. Do keep the conversation interesting - I think it’s ok to have some things in mind that you want to talk about, but don’t make it sound like a script.

4. Don’t talk about why you hate men/women, your last relationship (especially if you’re not over it), or anything else that would make the other person question why they are even with you

5. Do go with the flow – if things are great, fine, continue to enjoy the other person’s company but…

6. Don’t force it – if you’re not feeling it, let the person know so you’re not stringing them along

7. Do be courteous – Men open the door, walk on the outside of the street, pay for the bill – Women – say thank you, leave the tip (not always necessary but it’s a nice gesture)

8. Do – stay engaged in the conversation – listen, comment, and contribute to the conversation.

9. Don’t only talk about yourself – no one wants to hear about why your boss sucks or what size shoe you wear (although I guess that’s good info lol).

10. Do look the person in the eyes and be attentive to the person.

11. Don’t let your eyes wander!!!!!! Big no-no.

12. Do get a little physical – no folks, I don’t mean s-e-x; a hug is fine, a kiss on the cheek, a kiss on the mouth (think peck, not a tongue down) if you’re feeling it.

13. Don’t get overzealous – read the body language and don’t go for it unless the date is going well and DO NOT suggest going back to your/her place..not a good look.

14. Do follow up – women, let the guy know you made it ok (if you met at out somewhere place), men, make sure your date got home safely if you don’t hear from her.

15. If you dropped her off, do NOT drive off without allowing her to get safely inside. Also, if you contact her and she doesn't contact you (or vice versa), DO NOT bombard the person with text messages, emails, IMs, tweets, fb comments, etc. NOT a good look!

16. HAVE FUN! Don’t take it so seriously…it’s JUST a first date!

Needless to say, I think the date went extremely well :-). I’ve talked to him since then, so we shall see what happens. No word from #1 (which is soon to be forgotten about and #2 is not about to become #1, for now lol).

So what does everyone think? What are the absolute dos and donts on a first date?

-Ms. QTO

What is considered too soon? (I'm not worried about no ice! LOL!)

So...yesterday, me, my girl and her friend decided to go out since it was such a BEAUTIFUL day in Milwaukee. It wasn't a beautiful night, however, as it was rainy and drizzly out! I'm sooo happy I wore my hair wet and wavy!

So for whatever reason, I was really feeling it last night! It might've been the atmosphere and all the beautiful people at the spot that we went to, but I was just walking around, checking out the scenery and then I saw them...some fine, black men just chilling, talking amongst themselves. I really wanted to have a re-do from the previous weekend when we struck out (see Who should make the first move?), so I told my girl I was going to get a drink and make my way over to them. I chickened out....at first. The more I looked over and I sipped on my appletini, the more I was like, F it, I have nothing to lose. I went up to them, said something witty, and it was on from that point. We hung out with them for the whole night...a few of their other friends came in and we chatted them up as well. Needless to say, I walked out with two numbers (which I will call guy #1 and guy #2 from now on, lol) from some very fine men...

So guy #2 and I are conversing via text today (yes, just a few hours later) and he wanted to hang out tonight and put it out there that if I would feel more comfortable inviting my girl, he would invite his friend that was there last night and that would help break the ice. Hence the title of this blog and the fact that I'm not worried about no ice! Lol. We are grown...I think that we should be able to chat and not have it be a group date....

Anyways....it's only a few hours later and I have a date lined up and it made me think of what some guys have asked me...when is it too soon to contact a woman? Is the next day too soon? A few hours later via text saying good morning, just to gauge interest? Women, what do you think? Personally, I like when a guy shows interest, but what I DON'T like is when they call three or four times a day!!

-Ms. QTO

Who should make the first move?

It's the WEEKEND!!! YAY! It's been a beautiful weekend so far in Milwaukee and as much as I wanted to spend the night in doing school work, I decided to step out with my girl...

Speaking of stepping out...so last weekend, me and my girl went out and we were kinda on the prowl, emphasis on kinda, lol. We were trying to go to different places and check out the scenery - cute men, beautiful people, etc. Let's just say it didn't go as planned, but we did have some practice in approaching men (her, not me, I was playing shy that night...not enough to drink, lol). So it got me to thinking, do men actually like to be approached? What we found was that any potential new interest was on the phone texting (which led us to believe they were texting a woman) so we would dismiss trying to talk to that guy. But when we DID approach and expressed interest and left it up to the man to then make a move...NOTHING! Now is it that it was too aggressive (or of course, they just weren't interested, but I'm dismissing that for now lol)? Do men like to be in control and make the first move? I always thought some men were afraid of rejection and rather than get rejected, they post up against the wall and stare, rather than approaching. And I also thought that when a woman did approach, it would make it that much easier. Not that particular Saturday! And to add insult to injury...the only men who did approach us were strippers, lol!

So, should women approach men or should we just let the men come to us?

-Ms. QTO

Cheater, cheater pumpkin eater

After what seemed like the longest week EVER, my girl and I decided to grab a drink and catch up a bit and discuss some things. Among those things, men (of course) came up. We started talking about past relationships and then we brought up the subject of cheating. I’ve been cheated on before in the past and trust me, it hurt like hell (insert expletive here). I told her about how he called me everyday for days, sent emails, text messages – all were unanswered. Finally, I relented and met up with him about a week later and he was boo-hooing like a baby and telling me how sorry he was and that he loved me and it didn’t mean anything. He said that we were having issues and that she just happened to be there and one thing led to another. BS! I feel like he could’ve controlled himself or not even put himself in that situation, right?

So after telling my girl this story, I started thinking about the different reasons people cheat. Sometimes, the man is just a dog and does it to satisfy his ego, urges, whatever. And sometimes, he’s not getting it at home and what does he then do? He strays. Now is that his woman’s fault for not giving him any? Or should he have just kept his pants zipped up and worked on getting his woman to give him some? I don’t know, but a need was not being satisfied and someone else was willing. For women, it’s an emotional connection with another person – the man is either giving her attention that her current mate isn’t giving her or she feels some kind of way (see Laws of Attraction – that WOW factor) and she gives in.

So playing devil’s advocate I asked her, can men really help cheating? I know, I know, I’m going to get some responses where people are going to be like “HELL YES”, but let’s really think about it. How many times will a woman throw herself at a man before he FINALLY gives in? Don’t catch him on the wrong day; it could happen, especially when we all know that men are such visual creatures…

So what do you all think? Can men (and I guess woman, lol) help cheating?

-Ms. QTO

What is the definition of sexy?

Happy Hump day everyone! So…speaking of humping, bruhahahahaha (my mischievous laugh), I was thinking of how when you have a long, hard day at work (which I had yesterday) and how it would be great to have a glass of wine, a sexy man rubbing your back, and…yea, lol. And then I got to thinking, what makes a person sexy? Is it the look in their eye? Is it their swag? Is it their personality? Is it tattoos or dare I say it, piercings? Yes, I did say piercings, EEK! Let me explain…

So I’m on an email thread everyday with my friends and we were discussing how one of the members from Day 26,(for those of you who live under a rock and have never seen the show, Making the Band, it’s one of Diddy’s R&B groups) revealed on a radio talk show that he has a piercing on his..um…member. Yuck, right?! Is that even sexy? Like if you were with a guy and he dropped his pants and you saw that, would you be like “oh yea, I can’t wait to feel that”? I think not. What about women who have piercings down below? Is that sexy? I remember when tongue rings were the “in” thing and I remembered thinking I wanted one because I thought it would be fun to play with the ball in my mouth (OMG, that sounded so disgusting, lol). I didn’t dare do it (because I am a professional lol), but there was such a negative connotation with having one (freak, slut, hoe), that most people that I knew that had one, ended up getting rid of it. I’m not going to front and say that I wasn’t curious as to what it would be like to be with a guy who had a tongue ring, but I think I’ll stick to keeping foreign metal objects away from my area.

So what do you find sexy? I can personally say that it is NOT a piercing on a guy’s member.

-Ms. QTO

The Laws of Attraction

So I was thinking about all the things I want and need in a man and was thinking about making a list (but I think that’s a bit much, because I know what’s important…I think lol). So I started thinking about men that have approached me recently and the reason why I wouldn’t talk to them beyond a “hello”. One of the main reasons was attraction. I remember back in undergrad, I used to think so many men were attractive; whether it was their personality, their sense of humor, their intelligence - something drew me in to them. Now, I am barely even getting any of those signals. I feel like I immediately know whether or not something will move forward based on the attraction factor. As some people alluded to in yesterday’s post, Where are all the good men (and women)?, maybe I need to be more open-minded to find love, but in my opinion, you cannot compromise on being attracted to someone.

My friend just pointed me in the direction of an article on cnn.com (under the Living section – Laws of Attraction) and from the article I gathered that attraction is based on science - it’s the way your body’s chemistry reacts to another’s. If it’s the right time of the month, if the man smells right, has a pleasing voice, or a symmetric face, then that will indicate the level of attraction for a person. Yea right…I think some of that could be true, but the minute he doesn’t have on that cologne, the attraction just magically disappears?! Um, no, I just don’t believe that.

So, let’s talk about the “Laws of Attraction”. So let’s say you meet someone, and they have everything you want/need, but there is no attraction and you feel like if you wait, you can get the WOW factor from someone else. You know what I mean, the “make you want to drop your panties/drawers” factor. Is that important in the long run or in the end, are you missing out on someone that could’ve been a potential mate? Do you think that over time, you can become more attracted to someone if you weren’t initially, or is it that the person just grows on you? And finally, I’ve heard women say “I gave him a chance because he was a good man and I thought that was more important than being attracted to him.” Have any of you been guilty of this? Men, what have your experiences been with the laws of attraction?

-Ms. QTO

Where are all the good men (and women)?

So I think I’m starting to get frustrated with the opposite sex. I promise you, I’m not one of those women that sit at home and complain about not having a man, because I am actually pretty busy. Between work and graduate school, hanging out with friends, and working out, I don’t have much time for much else. But what about those Friday nights when I just want to hang out and watch a movie with a special someone…nothing too crazy, just spending some quality time?

More and more it seems as if there are no more good men left! My girlfriend and I were discussing this Saturday night, as we were out and about in the city. We discussed the many places where one could go to meet members of the opposite sex - church, the supermarket, Barnes and Noble...nope, no men. This is NOT like the movies, it doesn't happen like that for us! Lol. And I KNOW they say it will happen when you least expect it, but I’m still waiting. I hope I don’t end up 40, single, and a cougar preying on young men, because at this rate, that’s where I’m headed!

So.....where are all the good men? To the men, do you have issues finding good women? And if you have a good man/woman, where did you meet?

-Ms. QTO